


mistoffelees goes to omega jail

by lenin_it_to_win_it



Category: Cats - Andrew Lloyd Webber, Good Omens (TV), Joker (2019), Phantom of the Opera - Lloyd Webber, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Crack, F/M, M/M, Multi, thats it thats all ur getting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:35:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22709350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lenin_it_to_win_it/pseuds/lenin_it_to_win_it
Summary: When Munkustrap finds out that Mr. Mistoffeeles and the Rum Tum Tugger have been having sex before marriage, consequences and horrible, horrible sex scenes ensue.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Christine Daaé/Raoul de Chagny/Erik | Phantom of the Opera, Mr. Mistoffelees/Rum Tum Tugger
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	mistoffelees goes to omega jail

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentine's Mia, my bitterest, dearest, despised-est love.

“O WEL NEVER WAS THERE EVER A CAT SO PREGNENT AS MAGICEL MR MSITOFELES” sang rum tugm tugger hornily as he hip thrusted and rubbed mr msitotfeeless’s giant swollen magical pregantn cat ass, whichimst was full of cat eggs, of course, and had a bottom hat (not t2 be confused with a top hat lamao) on each cheek. “i cant wate to be a daddy”“ur already a daddy u terrible HORE” purredd mirster msitoffeles, smakcing rum tum tuger in the dick meanly as he spoke bc he was also a tsunderere. “but im glad ur looking 4ward to beign a father. u know, teechign the catlings how to sing adn dance and store all thiey’re money in offshore tax havesn like all jelelicles do, doing everyhign u can 2 SUPPORT our CHILDREN”

The rumgm gumg tugmuers ball sweat ran cold. “child supprote?? on second thot YEET” he cried yeeting his bodey out of the an window. “YUOLLE NEVER CATCH (a/n: hehe get it cats) ME ALIVE”

magiclal mr mcglockelees pulled out his gun. “JELLICELS DO AND JELLEICAALS CAN, GET JELLICLE CAPPED IN TEH JELLEICLE ASS!!!1!” he cried shooting bullets out of his glock at the rug gug guger until he was the dead.

“o no” sed muckustrap sadly as he looked at his brothers dedbeat corpse. “i wod have made him pay chidl support but now that hes is killed I cannot”  
“mm knot” moned mr msisitoffeeles thirstily, his rpegnant ass cheeskk aquiver with delight. “its been so logn since i last felt a big girlthy phat alpha knot inside me,,, almost 2 minites……..”

munkuskank sMACKT misitoofeleles in the nips, all 6 of them. “dam it misto pull it together ur husbamd is DED” he yelled distressedly.

“he never put a ring on it’ mr msitofooflees sighed sadly. “nd now i gues he never will”

munkuspankbank gasped outragedly. “yuou had SECKS before MARAGGE??? IM COLLING OLD DEUTERMOMMONY AND UR GOIGN 2 JELLICLE HELL”  
“o not hellicle jell” mr msisotoffeles sobbed reptentantly. “pls mucinex ill do anytgin but that.,,,,”

“ther is only 1 other option for a filthy little sinner like u whost has committed the crime of premartial hawt yaois” saed munksuusntrap mournfully. “ur gonna hav 2 to go 2…. OMEGA JAIL” he handcuffed and asscuffed mr msfkhdhsjfioflsaes and drove him to omega jail in his Honda Civic. Music was plying on the radio and it wuz the hot feline band Destinys kitten“say my name say my name, my effable ineffable effanineffable deep inscrutable name”

meanwhile in human engleand Neiel Gaiman busted the PHATTEST nut of his sad british life “my i slur radar is off the cHARTS” he cried tirumphantly.

Outside and around of the omega jail there were BIG GATES with ELETRCTICITY on their fency bits and the tips (hehe) were shaped like PEENYSES!!!11!

“ogjhgnnhgnhh” moned mr msitiogffeles bottomly, thrusting desperately against the backseat of munksustraps Honda Civic and flooding it with BUCKETS of sparkly cat jizz. “i wanna sit on that”

“wel u CANT” snapped munkusksksk as he drank out of his hydroflask and put his cat hair into a scrunchcie that was also made of cat hair. “omega jale is scienfifically designed to TORMET u and force u to SUPPRESS ur omegaley urges until u become a functioning member of societitty!”“we liv in a socieity” sed the joker, from the academy aawrd winning motion picture joker 2019, whomst was riding in the trunk.

“JOKER?? frum the acamdeny award winning motion picnic joker 2019???” exclaimed mr msitooffeles surprisedly. “what are yUO doing in elon muskustrap’s car??”

the joker from teh academy awward winngin motion picture joker 2019 smiled clownlily as he cried thru his mascara. “u woldnt get it” (an: ITS A JOKER REFERCNE GET IT????? LEARN SOME CEINEMA U N00bS!11!)

“hes also goig 2 omega jail” sed mukumstrap. “he tryed to get zazy beats to impregannte him with an ass baby but she would knot knot 4 him”

“she did in my mYSTICAL MAGICEL WORLD OF CLOWN DREAMS” yelled the joker from the academy awarfd winning motion picture joker 2019 laughingly.

“MAGICAL” ejalculated magicle mr msitfoeles excitedly as he came another 20 buckets of glitter jizz. “o wer gonna get along GRATE”

“we r inside the jal now” sed mumfordandsonskustrap, who had in deed driven his Honda Civic directly inside the omega jail. “and thank fuck or else i wold have crashed this car and killed everyoine inside for just a chnace to experienece the sweet release of deth. Lets meet ur cellmates” munkusturap began to sing. “omega jail cats come out tonite, omega jail cats come one come all, the jellicle moon looks down on your sins, omaga jail cats suck my jellicle baaaaaalls”

chained and sad omega figures with saggy yet swollen ass cheeks came limping limply out from their cells. kylon ren came first. he always came first. “REYYYYYEYY” he weept heavingly as his bootyhole quivered moaningly. “WHy DID U LEVE ME??? I FUKCED UR OWN GRANDPA 4 U AN DU STILL RAN OFF WITH THAT GOFFIK SLUT C3PO WYYYYYYYYY!????”

“y mor like MISTER Y” joked the pahntom of the opera cryingly as he slammed his ginomrous giggling globes onto an organ tragickly. “chrienstine sent me 2 oemga jail to atone for my sins O MY ANGEL I WILL BECUM heh cum A CHAD TM WORTHY OF BEING SENT INGENUDES”

crowly from good omens hissed snakily as he cried and tears fell on2 his tartan collar which said strumpet on it. the snakely eggs tucked safely in his ass bosom hissed 2 bc they were snakes. ther was a nother hiss from crorley but this one started with a p ;))))

“god dAMB it did you piss urself AGEN crowlee???” yelled klyo ren angrily as his goffik blak cape drank up the piss like an edgy sponge. “wy dont u just were a diaper already”“im BABY” crowley sssssobbed sssssobbingly. “my angle is leveing me in omegea jail until i become potty traned”

the phantom played a moody chrod on his organ by pressing one cheek against 16 keys at once. “i know the feel bro”

“this is a MADHOUSE” cried msitoffeleles frightednly.

“wer all mad here” grinned the joker from the academy award winning motion picture joker 2019. “thats not frum the same movie but it kind o fis”

“munsksustrap pLEASE dont leve me here” mr msititoffeeles begged bottomly, weeping at munkustraps big, girthy, HAIRY cat feet. “il never slob a knob like corn on the cob before marriage again!1!!!”

but munksutrap did leave mistiofeleles and the joker from the academy award winning lotion picture (if u know wat i mean ;)))) joker 2019 inside the jial. And then the WARDON was there!!!!!

“WHEN THE DAYS HUSTLE AND BUSTLE IS DONE, THEN THE CUMBY CATS WORK IS HARDLY BEGON,” sang a seductive and DUMMY THICC cat in a slutty police uniform as she deepthroted a gun.

“i havent seen u on talk show daytime televiisons!!!” screenched the joker from the acadmey award winning motion picture joker 2019 jokingly. “Whomst the frizzle frazzle mcFUCK even ARE you???”

She pulled hte gun out of her warm silky cthrussy (cat thrussy) and shot the joker form the academy award winning motion picture juoker 2019 in the dick and balls. “my name is jenny MOTEHRFUCKING anyglocks u irelevant flop ass BICH ass clown nd u better respect the drip”

“did sssssombody say DRIP” exlcaimed pissbaby crowley excitedly as he unleahsed another torrent of hot snaky piss, this time depositing it directly intot he phantom of the opearas eagerly awaiting mouth.

“wel call me BUSTOPHER JONES” whimpered erik operatically in 69 part harmony with himself. “bc tm about to BUST from swalloing down all these gallons of warm salty snake piss!!!”

as this was happeneing christine walked in and wept ingenuishly over the phantom. “oh eirk i feel so bad that i have is left u here while ur pregantnnt,,, if u promise not 2 eat anymor rats in front of gustave u can come back and live in my and raouls basement agane and cry under the bed while we have gr8 sex”

“chrisnte,,e my angnel,,,,,, Im so g lad u rerturned fror me,,,,,” erik wept crytypingly, clasping at her ingenoobs (ingenue boobs) with his grubby spindly nasty rat hands. “now i can birth OUR baby in peece!!!” He HEVED the baby out of his ass and on2 the organ!!!!

“BWAAAAAaH BWAH BWAH BWAH BWAHHHHHHH”

the baby was born with a lasso in hand but also it had-

“A TINY TWINK MUSCTACHE???” Erik shrieked horrifiedly. “THEN— THEN THE BABY MUST BE—“

“mine” sighed rooul depressedly, manifesting from nowhere and popping open his lacy white shirt to feed the baby on his rockin boob. “i knew we shoudldnt have gon to vegas while cchristine was on tour.” He grabbed one of eriks 3 hairs (spoiler alert all of them were pubes) and dragged him out of jale. “lets go ugley”

erik laffed maniaclally. “yes think that i am but a harmless cuck but I ALONE will kno my troo strength,,,,, when suddenly a chandleier falls or a lasso drops around your necc, every0ne will say ‘it wuz that horrible gost’!!!! was it the oepra phantom,, or Erik daee?? And most of the tim,,, they leeave it at athat!!! HAHAHHHAHAH” he sang-laughed evilly as he and chsisitine and raoul and their baby left jail as a famiyl uwu.

the joker from th acaemdy award winnig motion picture joker 2019 was moved 2 teers by this moving site and began to dance sadly and scrawnily with no cloths. his bony bitch legs collapsed and he fell in a heap of clown makeup and teers. “my legs may be tottery, i may dance slow, but one day ill be fre of this thottery”

“no ones getting free from heer anytime soon” snarled jenny any glocks, conveneitnly ignoring the fact that multiple prisoners had left with no issue. she shot the joker from the acacemy award winning film joker 2019 in his clown hole and several other smaller clowns scurried out and it wuz very deep and symbolic probably.

kyllo ren, whomst was a prick, was aroused by his suffering and his saber (whichmst was not made of lite but rather a lot of scotch tape and gloue and trace amaounts of cockmeat scrounged together from better trilogies) got hard and stiff in his small, pathetic hands. “ims os hrony i coudl fuck ANYTHIGN rite now” he precamed boldly.

“what about THIS” cackled jenyn anny glocks as she pressed a button that rose up a very tattered and nasty looking cum rag of a cat up from beneath the flor. It was 90% stretched out gray ass cheeks with loose patches of hair and it wept many tears that wer mixed with snot and also nut.

kylo rrun shuddered in HORROR and his boner DIED. “NEVER” he wept scarediyl

mr misitofeels also started 2 cry “what happaned to her? She used 2 be the town bicycle but now look at her! not even a unicylist woud hop onto THAT trainwreck”

“DID SOMEBODY SAY TRAIN” cried skiminmble excitedly. “go aWAY its not ur TURN” yelled janny eny glocks shooting him off with her gun. “and THIS” she kiccked jizabella. “is wat happens to NAUGHTY OMEGAS like u whomst cavort about being SLUTS and WHORES” she sed gravely. “this is wy we take omega jail so seriously. We want to fix u befor its to late and u end up like that,,, jizzabella the bottom cat”

ther was a moment of disuguted and frightned silence from the omegas.

“GO ON” shouted jenny any glocks sadly, jesturing at jizzabella, whomst was mostly hole by this point. “open up! enter in! If u find there the meaning of what happeiness is then a new life iwll begin”

a cold shudder of apprehension ran down mr msistoffeleses spine. since it was a tall shudder of appreension it was wearing mens size 13 nikes and its life wuz very hard. “do u mean we hav to crawl inside jizzabellas entire bootyass bef4 we can be released from omega jail” he whispered terrifiedly.

“yes” jenny anny glocks nodded agreemently “but youll hav eachother.”

“but we h8 eachother!!!” cried mr mistoffeleles. “joker from the academy award winning motion pictur e joker 2019 is a whiny BICTH and kyle ron is even WROSE im the ONLY one here with any talent or style!!1!” he began to weep at the thot of his predicament. “o rum tum tugger senpai, whyever did I let u fucc and succ be4 marriage????”

“u naughty kitnes just dont get trained the way we did when Victoria rained” sed jenny any glocks sadly. “and u dont get drilled enuff”

“DID SOMEBODY SAY DRILL” cried a bold and horny voice.

mr mistiofofeles barbed cat cock stood up in a salute of arousel and he rose to his feet. his sexy, sexy feet. “i kno that voice” he whispered amaezedly. “its—“the rum tum tugger brought down the prison walls with one mighty PEVLVIC THRUST. “yeah its!!!!”

“THE RUM TUMG TUGGER HAS COME BACK FROM THE DEAD” mr mistotofeeles cried ecsCATically. “o howmst i MISSED u”“i missed u 2” sed the rum tum tugger tenderly as he stroked mistos fat ass. “all 8 of u. not paying child support was a MISTAKE and so was getting shot. im HERE im ALIVE and I refUSE to be a dedbeet dad!!! especially the ded part, hell wuz totes scary my b. also not fond of the beet part beets r nasty”

unfortunatley their reunion was cut short by a nife when GROWLTIGER THE RACEST CAT shanked the rum tum tugerr!!! FURRtunately, his buns of steel broke the knife.

growltiger growled and also tigered, probably. “all of u CUCKS get out of my way im only heer for 1 of u”  
“if u want mistos ass ur gonna hav 2 cum inside ME first” roared the rum tum tugger couragesly.

“wat??? i dont care about that sparkly twink!!! im here….” he prostated himself at jenny any glocks’s be-bunioned feet. “m’lady,, will u,,, be enraptured by my manly baritone for the rest of our nine lieves??”

“oh HEWL no u racist son of a fuck” cried jenny any glocks outragedly as she unleasehed all the bullets from her gun directly into his body. “day one of how 2 be a woke ally cat racial sensitivity training sed SAY NO TO RACIEST BONERS”

“TRAINING” cried shinkimibmiblesnaks, crawling out from underneath the floorboards in his suspenders like a true gay icon. “ILL TAKE IT!” he sucked in a deep breath to sing his song but he was hit by train and died (an: no i dont mean ‘a train’, the quintessential american band train spontaneously manifested and beat the shit out of him but it wa s probably a mercy bc then they didnt have to heer pat moynhihan sing drive by)

“im gonna need a 2 ply hefty bag to hold this corpse” laffed pat moniynhan as he slung skimgnblespanks over his shoulder “now its time to personally victimize todd in the shadows muahauhahha!!!”

but be4 he could escape TAYLOR SWFIFT IN A FURSUIT and high heels descended from the heavens sprinklgin cocaine everywhere. “NOT SO FAST” she sang musically. “for it is MY time to personally victimize todd in the shadows!!!1! MY time, the time for ME E E E EEEEEEE OOOoOOoOOoOOOOOO ALSO IM MACAVITY, THERES NO ONE LIKE MACAVITY Y Y YYYYYYY”

“how do all thesee pop stars keep getting in2 this brodway musical!???” cried mr mistoffeleels tragically.

“wy dont u make them disappeer with ur.. magic wand” suggested rum tum tugger suggestively

mr msittofeeles blushed shyly. “b-but i dont HAVE a magic wand, rum tum tugger seme. im but a humble widdle omega, fill my holes uwu”

“DAMN IT MISTO LISTNE TO ME” cried rum tum tugger despereately, grasping onto mistotofeeles’s shoulders. “ur not an omega, u have NEVER been an omega! Think about it!!!! ur GLITTER ur STYLE ur DANCING ur TALENT,,, ur an ALPHA!”“but my butt” sed mr mistoffeleles mistifiededly as he touched his pregnant ass. “how can i be an alpha if im full of ur cat eggs???” the rum tum tugger caressed mr mistooffofleless’s ass “it is tiem.”

one by one mistotofeles shoved the eggs out of his taut and quivering hole and the eggs hatched into 7 horny magical kittens.

“u can do it dady” they meowed encouragingly.  
“yu can do it dady” echoed the rum tum tugger, teers of pride in his eyes. “u R an alpha,,, now whip out that phat knot i KNOW u hav and SAVE US ALL BEFORE TAYLOER SWIFT AND TRAIN DECIDE TO COLLABORATE WITH ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER ON A CINEMATIC VERSION OF STARWAYS EXPRESS”

mr mistoooffleles focused all his magic and energy into his crotch and summoned the PHATTEST JUICIEST DUMMY THICCIEST MAGICAL ALPHA KNOT TO EVER EIXIST!!!!! it was GLITTERY and SPARKLY and did FLIPS and had a BOWTIE and it shot out LIGHTNENING and BURNED tatlyor swift and train into ASH and they were ded and they all sang OH WELL NEVER WAS THERE EVER AN ALPHA SO CLEVER AS MAGICAL MR MISTKNOTFEELEES and he CRAMMED every INCH of his kNOT into the rum tum tuggers tender hole for the first time and ravaged him hrornily and came over him in a rush of glitter and lightning and they fucked so hard the sand turned into glass or some shit idk his dick is MAGICAL and it was gRATE except for then munksustrap walked in. He was whoreiffied.

“DIDNT U SLUTS LEARN UR LESSON” he cried miserably. “WHY DO U DO THIS TO ME????” He broke down weeping hystrically “I TRY SO HARD 2 KEEP ALL U MOTHERFUKCERS IN ORDER TO KEEP WESTERN CIVILIZATION FROM CRUMBLING AND THE ONLY THANKS I GET IS THIS” he gestured at his jizz stained fur. “O WHY”

Then old dueuroterony floated down gracefully from her ass skin like our lord and savior the lorax “my dear son munkusuntrap i hav herd ur lament. No1 truly has suffered more than u,,, sing for me one last time and u may ascend”

Munksuturap wept even harder and snottilyer and began to sing cryingly as mucus pored forth from his nostrils. “MEEEEEEEEMORYYYYYY TAKE AWAY THIS BAD MEEEEEEEEMORYYYY I CANT LIVE WITH THIS MEEEEEEEEMORYYYYYY OF THESE OMEGA CUUUUUNTS” ol funky munky started to float up up up up to the heaviside layer but he endtered classified airspace and was shot down by the government and died.

old doeorterunymomy turned to face the camera. “you’ve heard of several kinds of cat and my opinion now is that this fic is 3,363 words and Im fucking done good night”

The end

**Author's Note:**

> i wuv u uwu


End file.
